[SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

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[SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Mononobe no Futo » 26 Mar 2013 02:14

http://goines.net/Writing/HELEN_of_TROY.html

You might be wondering: who's the fairest Touhou of them all? Is it Reimu, who keeps winning the popularity poll? Is it Kaguya, who in her backstory manages to make five noblemen running in circles to get her hand in marriage?

All these subjective interpretation might bother you, but don't depair! SCIENCE is to the rescue!

Sadly, we need to turn away from Japan to Ancient Greece to obtain this very OBJECTIVE and FACTUAL way to measure beauty, but bear with me for one moment. If you're familiar with the story of the Trojan War, you know that it was fought over the prettiest lady of the time, Helen of Troy. Christopher Marlowe wrote about this of her in his play:

    Was this the face that launched a thousand ships
    And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?

There's our totally objective measurement of beauty. To achieve the beauty rating of one Helen, one must:

  • Launch 1,000 ships
  • Burn a building

Obviously, I only have one ship, but I've launched it a couple of times in Ten Desires. In my backstory, I also managed to burn a temple down, and this is not counting my other spellcard. That should at least get me to 1 milliHelen, but that's enough.

What about the other Touhous? Komachi might have launched a ship back and forth countless times, but what did she burn recently? Similarly, when's the last time Mokou launched a ship?

Face it, ladies: I'm objectively the prettiest lass in Touhou Project, ever. You girls just don't have the naval/arson capabilities to keep up.
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Koishi Komeiji » 26 Mar 2013 02:57

i can make everyone get the hots for me

consider yourself rebutted `-`
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Mononobe no Futo » 26 Mar 2013 04:46

Even your sister? D:
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Yukari Yakumo » 26 Mar 2013 06:23

Futo, you fool-!

It is not simple magnitude of each that is of importance-

But the 1:1000 ratio of arson to ships! By your wanton burning desire, you have distorted your vital statistics grossly!
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Ichirin Kumoi » 26 Mar 2013 12:44

You can be the prettiest, but you'll never be...

STYLISH ;D
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Satori Komeiji » 28 Mar 2013 02:08

Mononobe no Futo wrote:Similarly, when's the last time Mokou launched a ship?


Are you implying that Miss Fujiwara doesn't bathe, ma'am? `-`
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Patchouli Knowledge » 28 Mar 2013 05:12

What's bathing got to do with launching ships?
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Alice Margatroid » 28 Mar 2013 16:34

I dunno, Mokou seems to have launched at least two ships. One is called Terumokou, the other Mokeine. She also seems to dominate the whole putting things on fire department, which means that she seems to be the scientifically prettiest Touhou character.
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Mononobe no Futo » 28 Mar 2013 20:08

The article does allow for bathing to be considered as "launching a ship," although a really small one...

And I dunno, FutoxTojiko and FutoxMiko were quickly established not long after TD... I'll be generous about the fire part, but I don't think I got beat on the naval front!

Also, scientific hypothesis: forest hobos don't take a bath.
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Soga no Tojiko » 29 Mar 2013 03:20

If we're talking 'ships' in that context...the winner would still be Marisa and Reimu, no?
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Mononobe no Futo » 29 Mar 2013 05:32

But they haven't burned anything, so too bad for them!
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Merlin Prismriver » 29 Mar 2013 23:39

What do you mean they haven't burned anything? She's Marisa "MASTER SPARK" Kirisame! What, you think that death ray of hers just pass through and do nothing? I'm pretty sure she not only burn a building, but explodifify them.

And when that's not enough, the MariAri ship has been launched a million times, as well.

Marisa beat all of you.
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Fujiwara no Mokou » 30 Mar 2013 02:29

*Upvotes Alice's post*
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http://i.imgur.com/1Azms.jpg, http://i.imgur.com/79Z2EEk.png

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Sakuya_Izayoi Rinranrunning rolled 1 100-sided dice. < 100 > Total: 100 (100).
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Kanako Yasaka » 30 Mar 2013 03:28

Yeah, going to have to say Futo's the winner here. I'm a sucker for a girl who knows how to commit arson AND has a boat. That's the kinda person who's going places! `-`
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Re: [SCIENCE] Futo is the prettiest Touhou

Postby Yukari Yakumo » 01 Apr 2013 01:25

I can tell you two are going to get along like a boat on fire.
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