Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Discuss anything and everything. Really.

Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 12 Mar 2013 04:35

AKA The Archive of all the Best of the Terrible Things Kogasa has Said and Done in #touhou.

It just dawned upon me that not everyone of you hang out with us on IRC, and not everyone lives in #touhou. Personally, I think that's a crying shame. Being the equal opportunity punisher I am, I have taken it upon myself to collect the best of the worst, for everyone's groaning pleasure. Also so future generations will know to fear the karakasa in their casa. You can thank me later. <(O)P >:P

For now I'll start things off with a few highlights at a time. I can't give away all my best material at once, I'd spoil your appetite for surprise. That said, I have a song for everyone. I call it 'Paru Zone':

Revvin' up an oni
Listen to her howlin' roar
Jelly under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

Highway to the paru zone
Ride into the paru zone

Headin' into twilight
Spreadin' out her wings tonight
She got you jumpin' off the bridge
And shovin' into overdrive

Highway to the paru zone
I'll take you
Ridin' into the paru zone

You'll never say hello to you
Until you get it on the green line overload
You'll never know what you can do
Until you get it up as high as you can go

Out along the edges
Always where I jealousy
The further on the edge
The greener the intensity

Highway to the paru zone
Gonna take you
Right into the paru zone

Highway to the paru zone
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 12 Mar 2013 04:57

And one for the road:

Rock You Like a Mountain Wan

It's early morning
The sun comes out
Last night was crazy
And pretty loud
Tengu is purring
And scratches my skin
So what is wrong
With another spin
Reporter's instinct
She needs to tell
So give her scandals
And tell them well
More lies to come
New places to go
I've got to leave
It's time for a show

Here I am, rock you like a Mountain Wan
Here I am, rock you like a Mountain Wan

Camera is burning
It makes me howl
Tabloid's are coming
I state out loud
Truth is in cages
Till storm breaks loose
Just have to tell it
To someone I choose
The night is calling
I have to go
The wolf is hungry
She runs the show
She's wagging her hips
She's ready to wan
On the hunt tonight
For love at first bite

Here I am, rock you like a Mountain Wan
Here I am, rock you like a Mountain Wan
Here I am, rock you like a Mountain Wan
Here I am, rock you like a Mountain Wan
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 12 Mar 2013 05:08

Inevitably, this had to happen: ._.

Kogasa Karakasa is coming down the stairs,
Kogasa Karakasa comes down in despair,
Kogasa Karakasa is not a teddy bear,
'cos in Gensokyo, she'll try to catch you unaware!
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 12 Mar 2013 07:16

I have to stop this eventually. I do have to sleep sometime...

Like a Gate Guard in the Dark.

When there's lightning
You know it always brings me down
'Cause it's free and I see that it's me
Who's bound and never found

I cry out for magic
I feel it dancing in the light
It was cold, lost my hold
To the vampires of the night

No sign of the mornin' comin'
You've been left on your own
Like a gate guard in the dark
A gate guard in the dark

Does your mistress
Does she ever let you go?
When you've tried, does she hide deep inside?
Is she someone that you know?

You're only a youkai
You're a legend caught in time
We're a lie, you and I
We're words without a rhyme

There's no sign of the mornin' comin'
You've been left on your own
Like a gate guard in the dark
Just a gate guard in the dark
Yeah

When I see lightning
You know it always brings me down
'Cause it's free and I see that it's me
Who's bound and never found

Feel the magic
I feel it floating in the air
But it's fear and you'll hear
Her calling you beware
Look out

There's no sight of the mornin' comin'
There's no sign of the day
You've been left on your own

Like a gate guard
Like a gate guard in the dark
Yeah, yeah

You're a gate guard in the dark
Just a gate guard in the dark
No sign of the mornin'
You're a rainbow in the dark
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 13 Mar 2013 04:52

The Dark Side of Gensokyo (The Dark Side of the Moon)


Speak to Strawberry (Speak to Me)

"I've been mad for fucking years, absolutely years, passed the barrier ages ago, been working my buns off for science..."

"I've always been mad, I know I've been mad, like the
most of us...very hard to explain why you're mad, even if you're not mad..."

(Instrumental)


Oarfish Fever (Breathe)

Dance, dance through the air.
Don't be afraid to care.
Fever but don't fever here.
Groove around and choose your own ground.

Long you funk and high you jive
And 'fros you'll don and how you'll thrive
And all you move and all you see
Is all your life will ever be.

Funk, oarfish funk.
Boogie down, you're having fun,
And when at last the night is won
Don't cool down it's time to dance another one.

For long you jive and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And sure of your security.
You race towards obscurity.


On The Bun (On the Run)

[yukkuri announcer, taking it easy]
"Live for today, gone tomorrow, take it easy, Yuuuu~!"

(Instrumental)


Meido (Time)

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You speed up and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Flying around your mistress' playground in youkai town.
Expecting someone or something will get in your way.

Tired of waiting by darkness' side keeping the monsters at bay
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find vampires have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you didn't miss the fun.

So you run and you run to escape the lurking sun but it's rising
Racing around to bother your mistress again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're wiser,
Shorter on knives but not a day closer to death.

Every year is getting longer always seem to find the time
Parties that come to pass or the resident hostile youkai.
Hanging on with forbidden ritual is a vampires' way
Time is never gone, life is not over,
Whatever else need I say?


Miko Wrath (Breathe - reprise)

This, this again.
I hate it here when it's like this.
When I come home cold and tired
Promptly I am needed for return fire
Not far across the village
The trolling of the Myouren bell
Miscreants brought to their knees
Punished with loudly spoken magic spells.


The Great Peach in the Sky (The Great Gig in the Sky)

"And I am not frightened of pain, any punishment will do, I
don't mind. Why should I be frightened of pain?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta hurt sometime."

"If you can hear this whispering you must dislike pain."

"I never said I disliked pain."

(Instrumental)


Usa (Money)

Bunny, get away.
Get a good stay with good play and you're okay.
Bunny, she's a lass.
Grab that hare with both hands and make a stash.
New pet, sweet carrot, starry eyed dream,
Think I'll buy me a mochi team.

Bunny, don't mock.
I'm all right Doc keep your hands off of my stock.
Bunny, she's a hit.
Don't give me that do goody good bullshit.
I'm in the high-society tea sipping danmaku set
And I think I need a bayonet.

Bunny, she's a crime.
Share her fairly but don't take a foot of my pie.
Bunny, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for her praise it's no surprise that she's
giving none away.

"UsaUsa! I was in the right!"
"Yes, absolutely in the right!"
"I certainly was in the right!"
"You was definitely in the right. That old hag was cruising for a
bruising!"
"Yeah!"
"Why does anyone do anything?"
"I don't know, I was really drunk at the time!"
"I was just telling her, she couldn't get into Eientei. She was asking
why she wasn't openly invited in, after I was smiling and setting up a 10ton weight overhead and telling her she couldn't come in. It came as a crushing blow, but we leveled the playing field."


War and Tea (Us and Them)

War and tea.
And after all they're just typical youkai.
Me, and you.
The Yama surely knows it's what we would choose to do.
Forward she fired from the rear
and the mid-boss fell.
And the chimera hid and the danmaku flew
exchanged between sides.
Red green blue
And who knows which is which and who is who.
Up and down.
But in the end it's only round and round.
Haven't you heard it's time for tea and cake
A weary human cried.
Hey, said the maiden with the gohei
You should go back inside.

"On second thought, they might not kill you. If you toss beans at them real quick and give them a sharp shock, maybe they won't tear off all of your limbs. Get it? I mean she got off lightly, I would've so given them a thrashing - I only hit her box once! It was only a difference of opinion, but really...
I mean good manners don't cost anything do they, eh?"

Down and out
It can't be helped but there's a lot of it about.
With, without.
And who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?
Out of the way, it's a busy day
I've got things on my mind.
For the want of the price of tea and a slice
That alien paid.


Any Touhou You Like (Any Colour You Like)

(Instrumental)


Tao Damage (Brain Damage)

The lunatic lies under the ground.
The lunatic lies under the ground.
Remembering days of poetry and laughs.
Got to keep the taoist on their path.

The lunatic is in the tomb.
The lunatic came from my tomb.
The paper holds arms stiff, rotten legs to the floor
And every day the crown prince brings more.

And if the outside rots away years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with swarming maggots too
I'll see you on the dark side of Gensokyo.

The lunatic is in my head.
The lunatic is in my head
You stick the ofuda, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane.
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.

And if the tag bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're with starts preaching different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of Gensokyo.

"I can't think of anything to say except...
This hermit is my master! HaHaHa!"


Unyuu? (Eclipse)

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you fuse.
All that you love
All that you burn
All you melt
All you store.
All that you empower
All that you provide
All that you take,
break, borrow or hide.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you unyuu.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you smash
And everyone you thrash.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

"There is no dark side of Gensokyo really. Matter of fact it's all dark."


No comment...
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 13 Mar 2013 10:52

Alright, time for things that actually happened on IRC first. I present for your groaning pleasure, Manzaitrocity, and Good Umbrella, Terrible Jelly:

Manzaitrocity

<Kogasa_Tatara> What did the heterosexual man say to the bokken?
<Kogasa_Tatara> "Manzai just don't get how this routine works."
<Patchouli_Knowledge> Are you sure you meant bokken?
<Patchouli_Knowledge> Because a bokken is a wooden sword.
<Kogasa_Tatara> I know, the man clearly doesn't get it. ;P
<Kogasa_Tatara> (and ironically is more of a boke himself)
<Kogasa_Tatara> Of course, bokken are made of wood, not iron, so it probably works out somehow.

<Kogasa_Tatara> What do you call a depressing comedy routine?
<Kogasa_Tatara> Mansigh.
<Patchouli_Knowledge> That just conjured up the mental image of one of those muscular Cho-Aniki dudes sighing. XD
<Kogasa_Tatara> Oh god.
* onyhow NEED BRAIN BLEACH!
<Kogasa_Tatara> That's more of a terrifying comedy routine than a depressing one...
<Patchouli_Knowledge> Cho-aniki manzai routine, eh. XD
<Kogasa_Tatara> That's one kind of comedy the world does not need to see.


Good Umbrella, Terrible Jelly

<Kogasa_Tatara> Also, we should start a detective team, you and I. `-`
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Why's that?
<Kogasa_Tatara> With my power of surprise, and your connection to the underground, we could get to the Paruut of any problem!
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> No stop.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Never! <(O)P

---

<Kogasa_Tatara> Also, sorry for making you a side show attraction, but it's hard to resist. >.> viewtopic.php?f=8&t=3959&p=37434#p37434
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> How are you the good cop.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Hooooooooooow.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Because between you and I, there's no way you're the good cop.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> This is true, but you're not looking too good yourself.
<Kogasa_Tatara> That's why I keep you around, to look good in comparison!
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Many things suddenly make sense.
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 14 Mar 2013 12:04

Yuugiiting all of these so far, everyone? Today, I present a different victim. I call this one 'Silly Kon Kon't Take so Much Pun':

Silly Kon Kon't Take so Much Pun

*Disclaimer: No kitsune were harmed from the production of these puns.

Act 1: Kon you see where this is going?
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Hello, Kogasa.
<Kogasa_Tatara> So, what did Yukari say the day she came to visit Yuyuko, but unexpectedly, found Ran instead?
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> She expected to find a ghost but she was sadly mistakon.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Clearly.
<Kogasa_Tatara> "How unkonventional."
<Kogasa_Tatara> :P

Act 2: Kitsunever Learn...
<Hong_Meiling> Don't encourage the Karakasa more than you must~
<Kogasa_Tatara> But I love the attention!
<XLII> always encourage the karakasa
<Kogasa_Tatara> :D
* XLII hugs kogasakarakasa
Kogasa_Tatara tonguewraps XLII. :P
* XLII nuzzles
<Hong_Meiling> Oh god its like that dream all over again!
* Hong_Meiling runs away in horror
* Kogasa_Tatara drops XLII off at Hakugyokurou.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Yuyukon. `-`
<Hong_Meiling> A Konvention for Ghosts?
<Hong_Meiling> Perhaps Ghostly Foxes?
<Kogasa_Tatara> Foxes of all kons and their kon kin.
<Letty_Whiterock> King Kon?
<Hong_Meiling> The Gulf of Konkin is a very popular resort for kons
<Rin_Kaenbyou> If Ran's in Hakugyokurou, Yukari and Yuyuko must be konniving something.
<Hong_Meiling> Klearly.

Act 3: You Kon't Handle the 'kasa!
<XLII> ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
<Kogasa_Tatara> Hehehe. :P
* Kogasa_Tatara tongue-fives everyone who helped.
<Rin_Kaenbyou> Warning: Bad Fox Puns might result in spontaneous konbustion. Of foxfire.
* Hong_Meiling hand is now sticky.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Possibly a konkonsion
<Rin_Kaenbyou> Or severe kontusions.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Don't leave them unattended in case of unkonsciousness.
* Hong_Meiling should not be enjoying this so much `-`
<Rin_Kaenbyou> Alright, I yield~ You're the unkontested queen o' the puns. Don' worry Meiling, I said puns, not huns.
<Kogasa_Tatara> So, ready to go back in time and be history's Genghis Kon, XLII?
<XLII> just stop
<XLII> plase
<XLII> stahp
<XLII> it burns us
<Kogasa_Tatara> You're too much fun, I just kon't help myself. :P
<Rin_Kaenbyou> Why are you konplainin' XD
<Hong_Meiling> XD
<Hong_Meiling> This is so bad.
* Kogasa_Tatara isn't even koncerned that XLII isn't a human right about now.

Finale: Kitsuneed a Break? Too Bad!
<Kogasa_Tatara> What does Ran sometimes say to Chen whenever Chen needs something?
* XLII curls up in his own tails and hides until this is all over
<Kogasa_Tatara> Kitsuneed me for something?
<Kogasa_Tatara> Ran's favorite part of baking? Kistuneading dough.
<Hong_Meiling> `-`
<Kogasa_Tatara> Her drink of choice? Kistuneid
<XLII> god ow
<Kogasa_Tatara> :P
<Hong_Meiling> I think you have won
* Kogasa_Tatara will stop for now, kon't give away all her best material at once, you know.
* Kogasa_Tatara hopes the fox isn't in critical kondition. >.>;


Moral of the story? Kogasa knows where you live and is coming to your house after school. +_+
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 17 Mar 2013 17:43

Another day, another terrible. Today I present two tales from Youkai Mountain:

Definitely not a Poison Mushroom

One day, Youkai Mountain experiences what at first seems like an earthquake at some odd hour most of the mountain dwellers are sleeping. Upon looking outside, however, the source becomes clear. Several times her normal size, a giant Momiji can clearly be spotted trampling through the forest.
Kanako: "I think she got a wan up."
Momiji: "I'm a big wan now!"
Suwako: "A red mushroom at the very least..."



Murder Kerote

One day a villager makes a pilgrimage to the top of Youkai Mountain to visit Moriya. Now this villager has less than scrupulous means for his visit, but he had heard the rumors about the mountain's new gods. Particularly, Kanako was said to be businesslike and not above her share of trickery and deceit to get what she wanted. This man had a business proposition of his own, and though the details were hazy, he felt confident enough in himself to make the perilous trek up the mountain. The gist was a campaign to gather faith for Moriya, but no matter what the other details were, there was one obstacle. Namely, a well known red and white miko. For all his scheming though, this man had relied too much on false information...

As fortune would have it, the villager is granted an audience with the mountain gods themselves. Hearing what the man has to say, Kanako grins slyly. "An interesting proposition, yes. Unfortunately though, I can't provide the poison you require; I simply Kanakoat them. However..."

Kanako adjusts her mischievous gaze towards Suwako, who has been silent the whole visit, "Certainly Suwakoat your darts."
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 30 Mar 2013 03:24

Some drought we're having huh? Fear not, the umbrella has not forsaken her loyal followers! Here to open the floodgates and break the famine is "Dangerously Cheesy":

Dangerously Cheesy

<Kogasa_Tatara> For shame Shou, what would Byakuren say if she heard you now?
<Aura> She'd want some to?
* Shou_Toramaru thumbs up Aura
<Shou_Toramaru> could besomething silly, a cheek lick or something
<Kogasa_Tatara> Even if she did, she wouldn't say so I don't think. `-`
<Kogasa_Tatara> Still doesn't seem like dignified behavior fitting for a god avatar.
<Shou_Toramaru> *pouts* true
<Aura> You don't see what happens behind the temple's closed doors 100% kf the time >.>
<Aura> Stop complain' :P
<Kogasa_Tatara> But I want some cheese to go with my whine!
<Aura> We are outta cheese
<Kogasa_Tatara> ;-;
<Aura> We have bread though.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Not the same! DX
<Aura> *smacks with bread* '-'
<Kogasa_Tatara> Quit loafing around, those corners could put an eye out!
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 11 Apr 2013 08:59

Now all Youmu needs is a skateboard, slingshot, and 90's mascot attitude:

Yo'Myon! (I Get Around) wrote:Round round myon around
I myon around
Yeah
Myon around round round I myon around
I myon around
Myon around round round I myon around
From town to town
Myon around round round I myon around
I'm a real cool ghost
Myon around round round I myon around
I'm makin real good toast

I practice myonin' slashing up and down the same old fields.
I gotta finda new place where the good food yields

My mistress and me are getting real well known
Yeah, the bad guys know us and they leave us alone

I myon around
Myon around round round I myon around
From town to town
Myon around round round I myon around
I'm a real cool ghost
Myon around round round I myon around
I'm makin real good toast
Myon around round round I myon around
I myon around
Round
Myon around round round oooo
Wah wa ooo
Wah wa ooo
Wah wa ooo

I always take my swords cause they've never been beat
And I've never missed yet with a Roukanken feat

Gotta keep your hands steady cause it wouldn't be right
To keep your mistress waiting hungry for supper tonight

I myon around
Myon around round round I myon around
From town to town
Myon around round round I myon around
I'm a real cool ghost
Myon around round round I myon around
I'm makin real good toast
Myon around round round I myon around
I myon around
Round
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Round round myon around
I myon around
Yeah
Myon around round round I myon around
Myon around round round I myon around
Wah wa ooo
Myon around round round I myon around
Oooo ooo ooo
Myon around round round I myon around
Ahh ooo ooo
Myon around round round I myon around
Ahh ooo ooo
Myon around round round I myon around
Ahh ooo ooo
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 14 Apr 2013 01:30

I heard we got a new Paru. New Paru, I hope you're prepared for an ocean of pun, because I drowned Old Paru in jellosea.

Manzai'm doing this wrong wrote:<Kogasa_Tatara> Here, stand up straight.
* Kogasa_Tatara shuts her umbrella half, "I'll be your bokken."
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Je refuse.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> I'm a loose cannon who doesn't play by the rules.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Hey, I resent that!
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> I don't just STAND UP when I'm told to. You've got this all wrong.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Just because I was thrown out in a garbage heap, doesn't mean I'm not still useful. >_>
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> That's hardly what I meant, but sure, let's go with that.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> I mean it may be a misunderstanding but your resent is delicious, so whatever.
<Kogasa_Tatara> You should be careful being loose like that, might incur the wrath of Zun.
<Kogasa_Tatara> He might make you even more 2 dimensional!
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> When did he give me a second dimension.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Probably after he took away your third one.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> I was under the impression that he took the second one away while he was at it.
<Kogasa_Tatara> No see, in alternate reality some random number, there exists a paradox in which you get to have your second dimension and eat it too. Really though, you shouldn't eat so much jelly, you'll rot your teeth.
Parsee_Mizuhashi> Clearly I have opted to rot my brain instead.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Watch out for vagrant taoist then.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Kay.
<Kogasa_Tatara> At least you're calm, much better than Parseething.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Yes of course.
<Kogasa_Tatara> I'm sure I can go to sleep tonight with absolutely no possible negative repercussions from our time together today.
<Kogasa_Tatara> Probably because I don't sleep.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> Clearly.
<Parsee_Mizuhashi> ..Right.
<Kogasa_Tatara> I've gotten pretty good at pretending to sleep though.
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Re: Punbrella's Parade of Pain

Postby Kogasa Tatara » 21 Aug 2013 11:45

Kogasa_Tatara Youmu's favorite song to dance to, the Myonster Mash.
Fujiwara_no_Mokou Oh Kogasa, got any plans to make Myonster Mash a thing?
MiniYoumu o_o O~
Kogasa_Tatara `-`a


Ask and you shall receive (terribles)!

Myonster Mash (Monster Mash) wrote:I was out in the garden late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my good friend from her bed began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise


She did the mash
She did the myonster mash
The myonster mash
It was a garden smash
She did the mash
It caught on in a flash
She did the mash
She did the myonster mash


From my white jade tower in the garden east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The dead all came from their humble dwelling
To get a slice of eternal spring


They did the mash
They did the myonster mash
The myonster mash
It was a garden smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the myonster mash


The ghosts were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Momi Wan
Remilia and the Hun


The scene was rockin', all were digging the sound
Tenshi on chains, backed by oni abound
The ying-yang-tosser was about to arrive
With her vocal group, "The Youkai Thrash Live"


She played the mash
She played the myonster mash
The monster mash
It was a youkai smash
She played the mash
It caught on in a flash
She played the mash
She played the myonster mash


Out from her coffin, Remi's voice did ring
Seems she was troubled by just one thing
She opened the lid and shook her fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Scarlet Devil twist?"


It's now the mash
It's now the myonster mash
The monster mash
And it's a garden smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the myonster mash


Now everything's cool, Remi's a part of the band
And my myonster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you cross the river, tell them Yuyu sent you


Then you can mash
Then you can myonster mash
The monster mash
And do my youkai smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can myonster mash
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Kogasa Tatara
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